Another Step of Separation

You probably know I've been caring for my parents for a little over a year now.  One of the saddest parts is the separation that I feel from my parents because they no longer act like my parents.

My mom and I developed quite a strong relationship over the years and we would often discuss things like the School District's budget, differences in school because of administrators, styles of churches, knitting vs. crochet, pretty much anything.  After many of our visits we would joke about how much we would talk and how we had "solved all the worlds problems now".

My dad who accepted Christ about 17 years ago (right before my mom and dad's 50th Anniversary) would talk about the Bible, how God had changed his heart about things, and how tender he was towards things of God.

Its pretty apparent that both of my parents have a progressive dementia, probably Alzheimer's Disease.  My mom has lost the ability to converse intelligently.  My dad doesn't converse much at all.  Both do an awful lot of talking tho.  My mom knows who I am, my dad does not (most of the time).  He knows I'm "Connie", but pretty sure he doesn't know who I am to him.

I have a room in the duplex and I've been sleeping quite comfortably in there with the door open until last night.  Actually, quite comfortably is probably not the right set of words.  I've been able to overcome "creeping myself out".  My dad has turned on the light a couple of times which is a pretty rude awakening.  He can wander a bit at night, which makes me a little freaky.  I actually had a dream one night that someone touched my bed and it literally woke me completely up.  The door alarm has woken me up with my dad leaving the house in his underwear.  But last night topped it all.  At midnight my mom touched my foot.  Scared me to death.  Funny thing is she wasn't trying to wake me up.  Don't think she knew where she was, she certainly didn't need anything, and was a little freaked out herself.  I couldn't go back to sleep without shutting and locking my bedroom door.  I don't think I can sleep tonight without shutting and locking my bedroom door.

It feels like a loss to me.  I'm having a hard time accepting it.